Numb. 1154 Civil War Aftermath (You Do The Math)

Who says our War For Succession is over?
Long live The Confederate States.

Without rebranding we are expanding
while “Union” shrinks at an astounding rate.

Ulysses S. Grant was born in Ohio.

Today’s Buckeyes fight on our side.

Where is their sad, dead, “useless” general? 

Riverside Drive, Upper West Side. 

The heartland is ours, along with THE SOUTH

and, as you would expect, the southwest.

Northeast and northwest will soon come over.

California, New York? Awaiting conquest.

With Darn Old our savior, our gladiator,

we’ll repeal the previous century,

making the nation one vast plantation

while introducing de-desegregation.

Declaring our nation a Christian enclave,

we’ll outlaw security cradle to grave.

With our stars and bars forever unfurled,

we’ll bring into being a God-washed white world

where Ayn Rand Christians are free to thrive.

(And nobody else EVER gets out alive.)

Numb. 1153 News Briefs

The Haitian Question

When Darn Old shows Haitians eat kittens,

then it will be both proper and fittin’

because fake news led the denyin’,

he will feed them and Haitians to lions.

____________________________________

Bombs Away?

Will your next iPhone include a bomb?

Will Google, Samsung, and others catch on,

exploiting a brand new revenue stream?

Could there be consequences as yet unforeseen?

Tiles and AirTags exploding all over?

On your dog’s collar? Au revoir, Rover!

Say you are tracking a wandering spouse?

BAM! Next thing you’re in the courthouse.

Planning on buying a bright, shiny Tesla?

Maybe first visit your father confessor.

Still, deployment of advancing technology

if done with caution requires no apology.

Product tampering brought up to date.

Massive assassination! Can’t wait!

Numb. 1152 Next Station Extinction

 NYT: Who’s the Dodo Now? A Famously Extinct Bird, Reconsidered.

“[The dodo] seemed to have been invented for the sole purpose of becoming extinct.”

Well, what species isn't?

Take us and our cousins. Us leftover apes.
We also have had our share of escapes
from extinction but with the distinction
we are extinguishers not extinguishees.
The difference between us, I suppose is,
they have more hair and we larger noses.

Numb. 1151 God Awe Full

Why in hell would Satan bother

to try to destroy life on Earth?

Can't Beelzebub see all of God's chosen

are going at it for all they are worth?

Tho' they disagree, it seems, on details

each knows he's — she's? — THE ONE

divinely protected, heaven-selected

to bring blessed perfection to everyone.

Non-believers, of course, will scoff.

(Until believers finish us off.)

Proof of this thesis is overabundant.

Religion renders all devils redundant.

Numb. 1150 Rate Cut

Federal Reserve cuts lending rate
just because Darn Old “won” the debate.
With jobs on the line after election,
they figured this their best protection.
Despite degrees, they’re Darn Old smart,
don’t want to end up greeters at Walmart.

Numb. 1149 Darn Old, Quo Vadis?

Darn Old, an evil clown,

is only up when everyone’s down

both around him or farther away.

BIG daddy issues, is what I say.

His actual ego, a tiny pinpoint,

however much he may self-anoint

his brain, his golf game, his “genius” IQ.

Much ado, nada, let me tell you

a thing or two. Fragility,

vulnerability, his inability

to deal the child inside.

Forever seeking places to hide

from threats and monsters — mostly made up  —

teasing, tormenting this poor little pup.

Fred — Bad Dad — stares from the mirror,

asking which — Roy or he? — is the queerer.

Not, perhaps, in perversional frequency,

but in inability to display decency.

Apprenticed to Cohn, learning to con,

Darn Old arose above and beyond.

In the end, mentor destroyed himself.

Can Darn Old polish off everyone else?

Numb. 1148 Darn Old Project 2025

WILL WE SURVIVE the 2025

plan Ayn Rand could have strived to contrive

repealing the 20th century

with Darn Old her plenipotentiary?

Darn Old is essential —

tho’ not presidential,

in any conventional sense.

His speech tangential,

when not pestilential.

His mouth? Too full of flatulence.

Vengefully leading a loud Randy crowd —

no sharing nor caring to be allowed —

celebrating hump-free-all laissez-faire

an inflated, pretentious, half-baked “billionaire",

a self-detonating, flailing debater,

this confidence man, this ninth- or tenth-rater,

this self-reverential “liberator-dictator",

if he’s elected the country’s past tense.

I hate to say it, but “Bring back Mike Pence!”

Numb. 1147 Trump Con Currency

Guardian: Trump launches new cryptocurrency venture but declines to share details

Step right up, get your DarnOldTrumpMoney®.
Hurry, supplies can not last.
Ignore fake news saying it’s scummy
like the ripoffs I pulled off in the past.
Your coin contains a lock of my hair

from my actual head. (Or elsewhere.)
All coins are hollowed, so they’re light and wearable.
A year's cost — with interest — will be almost bearable.
Each coin is genuine 24 carat.
(Though it will turn green if you wear it.)

Numb. 1146 Elon Musk

Entrepreneur, one in a trillion.
An Ayn Rand hero. (At last!)
A reincarnation of Marshall Dillon,
surely he'll set “Dodge" straight real fast.

Casting Darn Old as his jester — Chester —

comical sidekick sans gun,
his designated Mars mission tester.
(Fingers crossed, one launch.... All done!)
With Elon in charge and entire planet
made safe for an entrepreneur,
no one dast say, “Dammit, Janet,
he produces so much manure!”

Numb. 1145 A Musing Evangelical

                            - 1 -

Could America grant baby bonuses 

exclusively to Evangelicals?

Also could Government then, perhaps, clone us,

rendering lefties hysterical?

Since the RIGHT’s overwhelmingly white,

twenty years later we’ve won the fight.

    
                            - 2 -

Suppose we propose guaranteed college

at Oral Roberts and Liberty?

God only knows, nothing with knowledge.

Indoctrination bests education.

Lefties can go to — and pay — Yale or Harvard,

we'll be free sailing, steering toward starboard.

    
                            - 3 -
Once Darn Old settles in hell,
we will miss his misogyny —
lending support, wishing him well.
Is this, do you think, a pathology?

Numb. 1144 NFL Sunday

It’s high time, NFL. Ya gotta think big.

Rebrand yourself White Football League.

To hell with Mahomes throw him off the bus.

Grow some cojones. Listen to us.

We love concussions. More violence, more sport.

But we're partic’lar ’bout with whom we comport.

We wee, skinny white boys cannot compete

with them bigger [redacted] — we’re too effete.

However much THEY may complain,

the darker their skin the less they feel pain.

What Founders thought they were creating

had nothing to do with desegregating.

Our Fathers foresaw an Aryan game.

What it’s become is a damned fucking shame.

(To you, rich team owners, who pick up the tabs,

think of your savings without the “McNabbs".)

Reclaim our game, return to our roots.

Us good ol' white boys ain’t no substitutes.

Numb. 1143 Leftovers

- 1 -

Darn Old hates Hatians above all other nations.

He's completely convinced they eat cats.

Fearing they could seize his favorite pussies,

he frantically waves pudgy paws shouting, “SCAT!”

                                    - 2 -

Does Darn Old have his own gun?

Would Secret Service trust him with one?

His sad old brain is so clearly kaput,

they fear he’ll shoot himself in the foot.

                                    - 3 -

Contrary to all that you may have read:

food pois’ning can not make a brain worm drop dead.

Kennedy case coroner said, “In my opinion,

the wee beastie died of malnutrition.”

                                    - 4 -

Full grown human beings are mostly deplorable,

tho’ babies (like kittens) at times seem adorable.

                                    - 5 -

Elon Musk does not have “free will”.

Capitalists do not DO free.

And if this “will” came with a bill

what would cost-benefit be?

Since there could never — ever! — be any,

He would not part with a single penny.