Numb. 1142 Darn Old 1, Reality 0

Darn Old told FOX
no need to regroup
atop his soapbox
in their chicken coop.
“What, me embarrassed,
losing to Harris?
I’m superhuman,
like Alfred E. Newman”,
concluding anyone
then tuning in
knew diddly-squat
about antonyms.
Confusing losers,
loss vs. win. 

Numb. 1141 Haiti? MUST Hate!

Everyone knows Haitians have rabies

from eating our pet cats and dogs.

But did you know they also eat babies,

in violation of various laws?

Practicing voodoo, consorting with zombies

while talking some sort of « French »,

streaming ashore from maritime convoys.

Gauloises and garlic, God-awful stench.

Short of draining the Caribbean

how do we get them to stop?

This is a task so Sisyphean,

it needs something other than mere agitprop.

As always, Darn Old has the solution,

speaking in perfect circumlocution,

skillfully weighing his haw and his hem,

instructing his minions, “Lock, load, and SHOO THEM."

Numb. 1140 A MAGA Man's Limit

Darn Old will win the World Series,

tho' he will never play ball.

He, after all, won the Cup Stanley.

At least. I believe. I recall.

Then there was the Bowl Super.

The Derby. And Indianapolis.

He’s NBA Champ. The little scamp

is absolutely fantabulous.

If Kamala wins, if vote is corrupt,

he’ll huff and puff and blow us all up.

I have in life but one ambition

after November's successful sedition:

to sit at attention there by his locker.

(Unless, of course, he wants to talk soccer.)

Numb. 1139 After Election Is Over

“Big House” or White House? That is the question.
Where next will Darn Old reside?
“Perhaps a whorehouse,” I hear your suggestion.

For the moment, let’s … put that aside.

Can you picture him at Club Fed,
sweeping the floor, making his bed?
Begging a guard to lend him a comb?
Whimpering, “Please, I wanna go home.”?

Can't you just see him taking a shower
wishing he still had pardoning power?
And in the yard with whom will he hang?
The Crips? The Bloods? A white power gang?

When at his table in the canteen,
will he commune with MS-13?
What will he choose for prison tattoos
to show interviewers on FOX ’snot News?

Will he still thrive if homeboys and hombres
hand him over to rampaging zombies?
Most likely, deploying ill-gotten pelf,
he will he remain his despicable self.

Numb. 1138 Reeto Alito! But Be More Discreeto?

NYT: Conservative German Princess Says She Hosted Justice Alito at Her Castle

Princess Gloria von Thurn und Taxis said Justice Alito and his wife were guests at St. Emmeram Palace for a summer music festival. She called the couple her “friends” and the justice “a hero.”

Rightist trans-nationals

concerting as vassals,

assembling in castles.

What’s with the hassles?

We must be free to do as we please.

It is not like we’re spreading disease …

illegal migrants drinking from hydrants

with the approval of  those we think tyrants,

who’d seize our property, our guns, our money.

Yo, listen up. WE’RE. NOT. BEING. FUNNY!

We’re right. Your leaders. We are the chosen.

We’re fragrant and sweet. We are ambrosian.

You left-wing low-lifes don’t know what goes on.

If we want to we’ll fuck you with all our clothes on.

So, you don’t like it? That’s thirty lashes.

As has been said God adores fascists.

Numb. 1137 The Legend Of Darn Old Trump

(sung to the tune of “The Life And Legend Of Wyatt Earp”)

Now here is the story about a man hoary

perpetually stuck in low gear

a wheeler and dealer

a grabber a feeler

insecure and full of fear

Darn Old Trump Darn Old Trump

past his prime so very old

never a genius except in meanness

Also he’s so very old

Now he had the effront’ry

to think that the country

would follow his egoist whim

would ignore the slime

would get into line

twice fall for a Bozo like him

Darn Old Trump Darn Old Trump

past his prime so very old

never a genius except in meanness

and as I said ever so old 

His mother and father

both end up gaga

brains shot completely to pot

Forget the cosmetics

it’s in his genetics

It’s hap’ning already — A lot

Darn Old Trump Darn Old Trump

past his prime so very old

never a genius except in meanness

between his ears nothing but mold

Numb. 1136 Advising Vance To Retreat

Dear JD,

Do we want AOC to have kids, socialist brats like herself?

She would be a complete Commie mommy.

Bad for the economy. DEMEANING WEALTH!

Her sexy supply of Marxian wildness

compounds our demand she remain childless.

Sincerely,

Project 2025

The Plan To Repeal The Twentieth Century (TPTRTTC)