Numb. 1242: From Donald's Diary II

Do I need a pretext to seize New York Times
and turn it over to Murdoch?
Supine SUPREMES would have my back —
bowing to FOX, not heirs of Ochs.

Numb. 1241 Donnie's Xmas List (batteries not included)

As Donald prepares to take TOTAL power,

he still thinks of others while in the shower.

He slathers soft soap on his beautiful body —

after, of course, he has gone potty.

Given his fear of serious germs,

he starts every day on the cleanest of terms,

brushes his teeth, shampoos his hair,

shaving his face — the fairest of fair.

For instance, this morning

he thought — stretching, yawning —

“What Christmas gift

would heal a rift

should my proposals

cause those less loyal

to turn up their noses?”

His brain, big and brilliant,

his hair somewhat damp,

birthed at that instant:

“A RUBBER STAMP!”

“One for each delegation in Congress,

another for each of the courts.

Republicans only.

Let Dems be jaundiced.

I won fair and square.

They’re rotten sports.

Yes, it’s expensive,

but it won’t be bad.

I'll order them all,

‘Bring your inkpad!’”.

Numb. 1240 From Donald's Diary I

Hitler did a lot of good things.

So did, EXCUSE ME!, Caligula.

When I told Melanie some of his stuff,

she said, “Donald, oh what a pig you are."

Numb. 1239 Press Release

 EMBARGOED UNTIL JANUARY 20, 2025
(after swearing at in)
———————————————

Since Dems can never again be elected,

TIME to repeal the twenty-second amendment?

OR BETTER YET —

Given cost, bother, and imperfections

of holding never-ending elections,

Some people say — may I say I agree? —

TIME to return to monarchy.

Last president = first Emperor

(Then Melanie cannot tell me I “bother" her.)

Caesar was God, way back in Rome.

My TIME has arrived so I'll raise Roy Cohn.)

Numb. 1238 From The Ravings Of Charmin Don II

Everyone that I appoint
is completely — TOTALLY! — qualified.
Those opposed are missing the point:
crossed, I cannot be mollified.
Agree with me and you will thrive.
Otherwise … you might not survive.

Numb. 1237 Eine Kleine Nacht Hysterisch — update

Drones over New Jersey?

Alien beings searching for Donald who can't take the tacky of Moral-Logal. With intergalactic warrants outstanding, they clap him in ions soon after landing, beaming him up to some far away star, to some planet where he’s unknown. (If there is such in the universe.) He's not allowed to phone home! US Space Force can't use THE KRAKEN. (A weapon of Donald’s devising.) Old, Slow Joe Biden cancelled the program. Unhappy example of Space Force downsizing. Socialist Dems and Little Green Men seize all our guns and munitions. Little Green Men and Socialist Dems refuse to acknowledge the second amendment. LOOK OUT! Here they come! Distract them. I’ll run. I do not expect they’ve set phasers on stun.

Numb. 1236 From The Ravings Of Charmin Don I

Whatever happens remember the dictum: I did nothing wrong, I AM THE VICTIM!

You know what made America GREAT? We shot first and asked questions later.

(Or never!) That and Founding Fathers’ profession: the only good Injun’s a dead one.

Forever.

Numb. 1235 From Here To Freedom Come

I am required to pass a test, get a license,

before I can drive a car?

Any car — new, old, domestic,

imported, gas, diesel, electric —

if I can afford it with whatever I'm left

after unfair — by which I mean any — taxation?

And insurance and seat belts?

Don’t get me started!

I thought we were meant to be free.

With all this government interference,

things don't seem that free to me.

Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness —

is what America means.

No room for taxes (or vaccine mandates)

anywhere near America’s genes.

Speed limitations, clean air, food, water …

matters of personal preference.

Building permits, zone regulations?

Here on my land, your “rules” are irrelevant!

I think Ayn Rand too Socialistic —

it is well known that she was born in Russia.

With Trump back (forever?) I am optimistic,

with library bans we can finally crush her

and every one else who according to me

gets in the way of my being free.

Numb. 1234 Donald's Department

No need for courts 

Petit or Supreme.

It's up to me to decide.

A modern Solomon

followed by hollow men

who love to wallow in

yesterday's fantasies

of self-aggrandizement.

A great wasted land

of the formerly free.

All falls asunder.

The Department of Me.

Numb. 1233 Project Innocence (Donald's Version)

I never did anything wrong.

(And OJ was never a murderer.)

“E. Jean Carol” made it all up.

Fuck her. I never heard of her.

And the fuss about “pussy bus”?

IF IT HAPPENED, it was for show.

Melanie called it “locker room banter”.

(How would she know? I'm scared to ask her.)

Numb. 1232 Trump Climate Change Solution

Ignore northern border

I say we ought to

make Canada 51st state.

There may be some yelling

regarding spelling

but this would end climate debate.

With new northern air

our temp will decline.

We will be cool,

they will be fine —

healthier, wealthier,

temps not in Celsius.

Miles ahead

instead of kilometers.

(Though they will have

to replace thermometers.)

Numb. 1231 Collective Nouns

An Incorrect of Economists

A Self-Interest of Politicians

A Purposeless of Atheists

A Number of Mathematicians

An Irrational of Religionists

A Worthless of Statisticians

A Best-Guess of Scientists

A Goon of Union Supporters

A Slap-On-The-Back of Capitalists

An Emptiness of Philosophers

A Phallusy of Psychoanalysts

A Cooked-Book of Budgeteers

A Misunderstanding of Socialists

An Almost of Engineers

A Self-Absorbed of Performers

Ein Dummkopf of Thinkers

A Blow-It-Up of Reformers

A Toolbox of Tinkerers

A Forlorn of Democrats

A Menace of GOPers

A Reprehension of Representatives

A Senile of Senators

A My-Mind-Is-Made-Up of Supreme Justices

A Frenzy of Us Fogy Fussbudgets

Numb. 1230 Trump II Day I

Presidential Decree #I

January 20, 2025

Rules, regulations,

laws signed by Biden

I declare null and void.

Judges appointed

are dis-appointed.

Requisite force

will be deployed.

Saving our nation:

Slow Joe's usurpation

has, today, come to an end.

Those who supported it

I order deported.

As they say in UK,

“There, now I sorted it.”

Pardons make sense

for Jan 6 “offenders".

Arrests commence:

Dems, Cheney, Pence.

(PLUS any who,

I say, betrayed me

or in some way,

I think, disobeyed me.)

Marshall law

will be enforced

by pillow guy

Mike Lindell’s posse.

Terrific pillows.

He likes me a lot!

And HE does NOT

call me a NAZI.

Cabinet shapes up —

fabulists, rapists,

entirely fact-free.

In fact, like me.

Project two-oh-two-five.

So much to undo.

What to include

in Decree #II?

Disbanding Congress?

Closing the courts?

Include Pussy Grabbing

among Bigly sports?

Appoint Tucker Carlson —

for obvious reasons —

to head up my new

Department of Demons?

Has there ever been

anyone as clever as me?

Person, man, woman,

camera, TV!