Why can’t we Conservatives talk, at all, of the obvious pitfalls of soccer? More, every day, OUR children comport in this foreign sport, a mockery of football and U.S. democracy. While at the same time, in far-away climes, aliens mock us, purporting OUR football's boring, monotonous. With imported soccer increasingly popular, OUR society's falling apart: LGBTQIA+ highlights setting their sights on ungodly claim to their share of OUR equal rights; childless cat ladies sharpen their claws, preparing to fight us (down on all fours?); abortion proponents' distorted components — “ballot initiatives” — forestalling just laws forcing women to do what we say OUR God requires them to. Such things never happened before soccer was popular. OUR only demand? That soccer be banned. Once this foreign product is off of OUR shelves, we'll get all upset about something else.
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