THEREFORE …
Let’s say the gods are caught napping and Donald Trump does not reclaim his presidency. Which, you might say, should not be possible since a return to the White House would constitute his third term, what with his having been unfairly and unjustly and corruptly and illegally and etc.ly deprived of his second by an international cabal (conceived, doubtless, in Kabul at behest by Larry the Kabbalah guy) and the unfair, unjust, corrupt, illegal, nasty, etc. Constitutional limit of two terms. (So unfair!) Whatever!
Now where was I?
Ah, yes.
So then, having completely withdrawn from his business activities — you remember the stacks of documents he displayed as poof — er, proof — at the onset of his first term? (Best President ever? You remember?) Having left such things to Eric and DJ … Those initials? Is that why he chose JD Vance as his bumbling — er, running — mate? Of course Junior is, to give him his do — er due, easy on the bear grease, sonny — Donald John, Junior, so, perhaps JD is simply Donald John, Senior backwards. (Could it be Donald, Senile — er, Senior — is dyslexic? Would explain his recording golf score of 59 when he actually shoots 95. But I digress.)
Where was I?
Ah, yes.
Being “at liberty”, having time on his tiny idle hands — devil’s playground? Great showman (shaman?) that he is, why not take his shame — er, show — on the road?
A revival of Damn Yankees with Donald as Applegate. (“Damn Yankees” is what dirty foreigners call us and damned Yankee voters — due, sans doubt — to unfair, unjust, corrupt, illegal, nasty, low IQ, etc. foreign interference (again at behest of Larry the Kabbalah guy) in the election prevent the reincarnation of President T.)
Matt Gaetz could be Joe Hardy. Mitch McConnell could play old Joe. Stormy Daniels would be perfect as Lola. Marjorie Taylor Greene as old Joe’s wife, Hag — er, Meg.
Granted, Donald’s demented elderly goldfish persona — what is it about Donald and gold? — not to mention his tendency to live off-script, would make an extended tour ... well ... problematic. But the annual NBC live musical — do they still do that? Could be done. (Live on tape for Mountain and Pacific. Two perfs being way, way, too, too much for Donald. And past Mitch’s bedtime.) If Trump is not up to it, I am sure the geniuses at 30 Rock who created The Apprentice and got us into this mess could AI-dub his performance.
Of course, there would have to be rewrites. Applegate must be at the center, other roles reduced to bit (two bit?) parts. But, hey, that’s showbiz.
