Numb. 1110 Little Dummy Ducker (or Un Good Satire Deserves A Lover)

Washington Post

Opinion: Do Tucker Carlson’s viewers take him at his word?

by Erik Wemple

“As for forcing children to wear masks outside, that should be illegal. Your response when you see children wearing masks as they play should be no different from your response to seeing someone beat a kid in Walmart, call the police immediately,” said Carlson. “Contact child protective services. Keep calling until someone arrives.”

Let’s assume that … Carlson was joshing or engaging in a thought exercise, and we here at the Erik Wemple Blog failed to pick up on the signals. That would mean that Carlson was satirically calling on people to report parents to child protective services …

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IS TUCKER SNARLSON actively gay?

Of course, I ask that satyrically.

Although he seemingly does lean that way,

it is hard to show it, empirically.

Appearing unnatural can be deceiving.

However, it's true that seeing's believing.

FOX viewers attuned to underachieving

are prone to swallow gastric upheaving.

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Numb. 1109 GOP Age Ender: Cancel Culture

TODAY'S GOP agrees: cancel culture.

Who needs music or “art”?

Get rid of the mess that is PBS.

What matter kids get a “Head Start”?

We love ALL kids. (In theory.) 

However, in practice, 

we oppose helping poor ones

'cuz it raises taxes.

And, in addition, we've superior knowledge

of what women want and who pays for college.

We follow the Bible on same sex marriage

and who God decrees we are free to disparage.

All those against us are plotters Satanic.

We fill our heads with things inorganic:

stopped clocks, noise fresh from FOX,

and, in particular, truckloads of rocks.

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Numb. 1108 0 Beautiful Voracious Lies

ALL AMERICAN White Protestant Men

can do whatever we like.

The Constitution is only for us.

Everyone else can go take a hike.

The Founding Fathers were Men like us.

When they said “all Men are equal”

they meant exclusively White Protestant Men.

All other people are clearly illegal.

When we say White Protestant Men,

we mean only North Europeans.

Scots, Scandinavians, English, Dutch, Welsh.

Protestant Swiss, Irish, and Germans.

Yes, of course, there are Protestant French.

But they eat garlic and give off a stench.

America is the land of the free

where All Men Are Equal if they are like me.

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Numb. 1107 0 Jerusalem!

WHAT ARE the odds, 

that three major gods

would choose for headquarters

an obscure backwater?

Even one god!

Forgotten or famous?

If we don't believe them,

how can they blame us?

Preachers of Scriptures,

pre- and proscripters,

to me seem scammers and fakes.

Except, to be clear, 

the mistaken sincere,

they abuse the deluded.

They don't give, they take.

I see monotheism as brain absenteeism,

an orphan's demand for attention.

We are alone. There is no padrone.

And, in addition, allow me to mention,

Jerusalem — never anything's center —

a highly unlikely religion placenta.

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Numb. 1106 The Problem With Joe

THE GOP PROBLEM with Joseph R. Biden is he is hard to hate.

They can't call him Atilla. Or Jill a “gorilla”. She is vanilla. He is sedate.

No shred of evidence — not a scintilla —

he's lacking ability to make us feel great.

Unlike former incumbent whose lies in abundance

and malignant misjudgment sane folks found repugnant

and who, at his apogee, fell below third rate.

Dog whistling and baiting to damage and savage,

I hate contemplating what they may manage.

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