Numb. 1100 Southern Christianity -101

The Guardian

Yoga can leave you injured, psychotic and a Hindu, Christian groups claim

Alabama lawmaker’s bid to overturn a 28-year yoga ban in public schools faces backlash from conservative Christian groups

PRACTICING YOGA will make you a Hindu.

Eating a bagel will turn you Jew.

One slice of pizza will make you Catholic.

One “fortune cookie” and bid Christ adieu.

Smoking tobacco makes you “Native American”,

so's you'll die from invaders' diseases.

Chipotle for dinner, et voilà you're Mexican.

We don't do no shit that displeases Jesus.

Bad, foreign stuff that causes hurt.

Natcherly then, we don't do yogurt.

Numb. 1099 Relativity

HOMER won no Nobel Prize.

He is not in the Rock Hall Of Fame.

Nevertheless, there are those who suggest

his verses scan better than some they could name.

The world of the future, they say, will know Homer.

Singing his praises, they'll honor him,

rather than rhymes long since forgotten

that may have once blown in the wind.

Numb. 1098 A Case of Emergency

THE TOMORROW you hoped for's been cancelled.

Also the day after that.

And the next and the next and the next and the next …

You get what I'm saying? You get where we're at?

You say this isn't the end of the line?

Things'll get better? It'll be fine?

You say disaster can turn on a dime 

making things peaceful and everyone kind?

You think civilization's predicted death

only an out-of-date shibboleth?

Well … if you're high on crystal meth!

Otherwise, don't hold your breath.

Numb. 1097 Trump .45

TRUMP was in '46 born.

(His certificate could not be a lie.)

And let me emphasize: not in Mombasa.

He is a Queens' Mob boss sorta guy.

Conceived in four-five — this 45th prexy.

The one who attempted a coup?

Forty-five? It is clear and evident.

Not so big a bullet and his IQ.

Numb. 1096 A Brief History Of Us

SEVERAL MILLENNIA before today,

we figured out about fire.

As the ice melted away

we spread near everywhere —

weaving and bobbing, 

potting and farming.

Fitting an axle on to a wheel.

That was, perhaps, our BIGGEST deal.

Stones. Sticks and bones. 

Eventually metal.

We used to hunt-gather. 

(And settle scores.)

After a binge

we invented hinges,

evermore leveraging

opening doors.

What did it matter?

What is the point?

Time forever is out of joint.

Tea, cakes, and ices cause diabetes.

Civilization is a disease.

Soon we may live on Mars and the moon,

yet our comings and goings remain picayune.

Not as important as we like to think.

When we go extinct, no one will blink.

Methinks 'tis the reason we take to drink.

Numb. 1095 Impersonal Pronouns

IN ENGLISH we say “the dog or cat THAT”, 

NOT “the dog or cat WHO”. 

“WHO's” we reserve for We the People,

WHO we mean when we claim all MEN are Equal.

You eat or your're eaten. Loser or winner.

It is déclassé to say, “WHO is for dinner?”

SO … all you losers, WHO we have beaten:

had you been THAT's, you'd have been eaten.