Numb. 1043 It's NOT Cheating If You Win

Tom Brady's clever.

Could be best ever.

Maybe best there ever will be.

It was not cheating —

deflating his balls.

Winning assured,

losing forestalled.

No foul, no harm,

no cause for alarm.

No need for consternation.

The only penalty that could be assessed:

his eventual three week vacation.

Elites' “just desserts”

should not disconcert.

It's whatever 

they get away with.

They cheat and steal.

If caught, they appeal.

Preferential deference,

in essence ideal.

Numb. 1042 Forecast

Should Civil War sequel

follow last's path,

with body count just about equal,

we will lose masses of various classes

and this, I fear, will not speak well

of our sowing so as to wreak well.

Nations and Empires rise and fall.

What, after all, is the point of it all?

                    ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Numb. 1041 On Your Marx

Marx never met a worker or peasant

except in a book on statistics.

For if he had, even he could have seen

his conclusions were unscientific.

Workers and peasants, concerned with the present —

food, sex — care not a jot about economics.

Unlike bourgeoise, they've no time to waste

on historical arcs or other colonics.

They cannot conceive of an interest in common

with anyone living anywhere foreign;

who ooh and aah in barbarian ways;

who could not be their comrades — 

AND CERTAINLY AREN'T!;

who have different names; 

who dress in ways strange;

who eat and drink God only knows what;

who, if your sister decided to marry one,

both bride and groom would find themselves shot.

Had he looked to THE CHURCH, 

he'd have learned from that search

that despite pretenses transnational,

CHURCHES remained, local and rational.

But Master Marx lived in the library.

Save when he knocked up the maid.

So we have to ask was his Socialist mask

deployed to shirk work and get laid?

Numb. 1040 A Patriot Prayer

If we can not insist how you live,

that is discrimination.

With History and Scripture as corroborative

our goal is to save the soul of the nation.

We're here to inform you who you can marry,

how to vote, who's right, and who's wrong.

Here to say who's Tom, Dick, who's Harry,

who's always welcome, who does not belong.

Who's good, who's bad — there is no middle —

who, if they don't like it, can leave.

If you object, we don't give a piddle.

That you exist makes us the aggrieved.

Our God has determined we are the sole

people who can be trusted.

Fulfilling his mission is our sacred role.

If you don't agree, you are maladjusted.

Of course, we love all of our neighbors

and that is why we must strive

to drive away at the point of our sabers

all those we know God wants not to thrive.

Once we achieve complete conformity,

once the whole country agrees,

we will rejoice in this blessed enormity,

along with the rest of you down on our knees.

Numb. 1039 Evict Us

Here's the thing about “Invictus”*:

    Henley has it all wrong,

insisting that we can master FATE.

    Short-term? Perhaps. Never for long.

“Count no man happy, 'til he be dead,” 

    Herodotus said Solon's alleged to have said.

Hamlet's “fardels” — that's bundles to us. 

     Approach or avoid? Analyze and discuss.

Why are we here? We MUST be important.

    (Or was our creation God being mordant?)

Man IS the measure, id est the ruler.

    (Who needs a God who lives to fool ya?)

Philosophers along with makers of verse

    see us as central to the universe,

failing to grasp that we human beings

    are mere extras in the crowd scenes.

——————————

*              Invictus

  by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,

      Black as the pit from pole to pole,

I thank whatever gods may be

      For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance

      I have not winced nor cried aloud.

Under the bludgeonings of chance

      My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears

      Looms but the Horror of the shade,

And yet the menace of the years

      Finds and shall find me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,

      How charged with punishments the scroll,

I am the master of my fate,

      I am the captain of my soul.

Numb. 1038 Ptrumpkin Village Retrospective

Behind the façade, another façade.

Nothing is real. Everything's odd.

Nothing is solid. Even the gilt

is an illusion to cover the silt

that clogs the channel and blocks the lock.

Dumb as an ox, binge watching FOX, 

true Dunning-Kruger to bettor's end,

too incommensurate to comprehend,

ineffectual as a capon,

flying to Florida, finally gone,

failed/flailing dictator apprenticeship,

footnote forgotten, SAD comic strip.

Numb. 1037 Who Q? Why Q? No Clue? “Haiku” (a conspiracy theory)

Alas, Babylon. Alias QAnon. 

Insert a J where's there's a Q,

replace A with E, replace O with U,

eliminate Ns, substitute Ss …

all of a sudden, it coalesces. 

“Mirabile dictu”, people exclaim,

“Jesus and QAnon: ONE AND THE SAME!”

Numb. 1036 A Statement From An Anonymous Trump Spokesman (John Barron, not ME!)

Worn out from all of his WINNING,

Donald Trump DECIDED to lose.

And, let me note, he did it for spite, 

despite what they say in FAKE NEWS.

When I achieved my excess of success,

I then decided more could could be less.

After I snack four years on Big Macs,

like Arnie says, “I WILL BE BACK!”

I'm healthy, I'm fit, in the prime of my life.

All I need is a new young hot wife.

Numb. 1035 KEEN - adjective

Click

Numb. 1034 Donald's Deadenders

This is NOT “The End”!

Watch Donald extract

a bundle of bunnies

from his #MAGA hat.

The cavalry arrives

in the nick of time,

and Jesus descends saying,

“Son, you DONE fine!”

While we'd never condone

untoward behavior,

we favor whatever

will succor our Savior.

If hanging Mike Pence

is the price we must pay,

we'll smile and say

he'd have died anyway.

If we kill cops,

that is too bad.

But knocking off Congressmen,

will not make us SAD.

RINO Republicans

get in the way

of Donald doing

whatever we pray.

The Constitution is what

THE 6-3 chooses.

With a Godly majority

our side never loses.

Dems are all dummies.

We are all clever.

God's on our side.

Trump rules forever!

Numb. 1033 The Defense Wrests

Click

It is just JUST that Trump pardon us.

We, after all, followed orders.

Orders he issued to all of us

devoted s[c]h[l]ock troop marauders.

Our president told us to march on the Capitol

to undo his un-election

by whatever means we deemed convenient.

We happened to choose armed insurrection.

It is not as if we were Black BLMers

or deranged antifa pillagers.

We are Trump, we are #MAGA-Americans.

WE ARE ACCUSTOMED TO WHITE CHRISTIAN PRIVILEGES!

Numb. 1032 Next?

Regarding the recent unpleasantry that unfolded down in DC,

the violent, rebellious revelry, egged on and condoned by the late GOP:

whatever wisdom was in our system existed smack dab in the middle. 

Perhaps overrated, it has dissipated with nobody able to give the least little.

When you can't abide “the other side”, when all your red lines have been crossed,

in that situation there's no mitigation. GAME OVER! TILT! FINIS! All's lost.

While I would not deny our curious run was awfully good fun (at least for some) ,

current events hint we'd best fold our tents before the fork comes and we're told we're done.

Numb. 1031 January 13, 2021

Sometimes you get one of those days

where there is really no news.

No meeting committees. No means and ways.

No one expressing discordant views.

A day where everyone's resting in peace.

A day of contentment, absent all grief.

A day where nary a mad woman's killed.

A day of kind feelings and hopes fulfilled.

A day of complete contagious harmony.

A day you don't wish for a lobotomy.

A day made for having cookies and milk.

A day where torn cotton feels smooth as silk.

A day where you realize all men are friends.

A day where means outweigh the ends.

A glorious day. A day to enthuse.

A day you'd repeat if you could so choose.

A great, perfect day where nothing can faze.

The last twenty-four was NOT one of those days.

Numb. 1030 Donald Explains

What I did last Wednesday was perfect.

What I said last Wednesday was fine.

All I requested was somebody find

that the election was mine.

Many good people — the best people — say

I won in a sacred landslide,

that crooked Dem trickery robbed me of victory.

Sleepy Joe Biden? He's certified?

All I need is eight million votes.

(Why can't we count North Korea?

Dear pen pal Kim, wrote that to him,

my victory would be a sweet panacea.)

Mike Pence, it turned out, is a weasel,

a bastardly, backstabbing, traitor.

If he got sick I would be quick

to switch off his ventilator.

He accepted electors who voted against me!

A totally illegal HOAX.

I know Pence is dense, but he should have sensed

the hullabaloo that that would provoke

even if I had never said anything —

though what I said was, as I said, perfect —

American patriots, fathers and matriarchs,

were correct to object their votes disrespected.

The Boston Tea Party? Was that a “riot”?

The defensive stand of the Klan?

Proud people pushed, they're not gonna buy it.

Whatever happened was out of my hands.

NOT, let me say, that I espouse violence.

(I don't “espouse” anything long.)

Just let me stay for four more years?

You know I won. Let bygones be bygones?

All of these messes. (NOT of my making.)

I'm the only one who can fix 'em.

Illegal aliens. Covid. Climatized lies.

They land on my desk, I'm tough like Nixon.

24/7/365, I am a man for all hours.

(Can somebody, please, restore my Twitter.

My prickling thumbs miss their superpowers.)

FOX Business says Deutsche Bank just ditched me.

PGA ditto my Bedminster course.

It's sooo unfair. But I won't despair.

I'll rewrite the pre-nup and file for divorce.

Numb. 1029 Perspective

When we close the book on two-oh-two-one,

when the whole year is over and done,

we will remember who lost, who won.

NOT, I'd insist, Covid or politics

or anything equally trivial

that pales in importance next to NFL football,

which, on the whole, is more convivial

than uneasy voting or “Chinese” diseases.

Who cares who's elected, who dies, who sneezes?

We prefer tales of blitzes and sacks,

details of travails of millionaire quarterbacks.

What matter the cries of “Bring out your dead”

when we can watch guys sucker punched in the head?

Let crazies take over the Congress, the Capitol,

no NFL fan will give a rap at all.

However uneasy lie heads wearing crowns,

what's really important is making first downs.

Numb. 1028 Donald Unrepetant

My friend John Gotti was treated unfairly,

as was Rudy's Goomba, Mussolini.

So many people hate strong manly, men

which we who are find extremely 

distressing and somewhat depressing,

strength being what we're about.

Once I have made us again a great nation,

they can be shot and taken out.

Numb. 1027 The Trump Pal Putsch, January 7, 2021 (or Mining The President's Kampf)

Though we may, yesterday, have suffered a setback,

In the end, we WILL prevail.

I can not contemplate all of my patriots

accepting the lie that we failed.

That I did not win in a landslide.

As I have, heretofore, tweeted.

Given the size of my germ-craving crowds,

there is NO WAY I was defeated.

Next time: be better prepared.

Shoot first, ask questions later.

Crazy old Nancy must be locked up.

Don't count on Cruz to debate her.

Swifty deploy the Avy, the Narmy,

the Space-Air-Ghost-Card-Maureens.

The time is ripe, this is our hour.

Keep me in power. By ANY means.

Pence, of course, must follow orders.

And NOT Constipation … Whatever.

Then, only then, can I continue.

Playing the savior. Forever and ever.

As it is, it's a SAD business:

this ILLEGAL, UNFAIR transition

to government by Socialist Joe.

And may it go to perdition.

Numb. 1025 Civilization And Its Gross Defects (or Eugenic Or Not Eugenic)

There are hardly any “crazy” wild animals.

Amongst our pets there are some.

Also among those we farm for food.

But in the wild … nary any. How come?

Could it be that dogs, cows, and cats

only go nuts when they're with us?

That Nature, absent our butting in,

finds dysfunction superfluous?

Along with the other defects 

which turn us into degenerate wrecks.

Whether you're scaly or feathered or furry,

Nature's no place for you if you vision is blurry.

So, too, I conjecture with mental disorders.

In Nature these are soon gone.

But we being “civilized” — because we care —

we nurture shortcomings. We pass them on.

Yet one more strain in the human dilemma.

Like we really need another problema?

Numb. 1024 Trump U Math

Add the scores of all NFL games

to my Georgia votes and I win.

Sleepy Joe picks something between one to ten,

I pick eleven and — guess what? — I'm in.

Add the grains of sand on the beaches,

the number of stars on the sky,

the pounds of pollution I have unleashed …

and you can kiss Biden/Harris bye-bye.

All the best numbers, the bigliest ones —

automatically tacked on my score.

Except, that is, when I play golf …

way under par. Need I say more?

This, I tell ya, is just the beginning.

People like me, we just can't help winning.

Numb. 1023 A Message From The American Plastic Union National Council (APUNC)

From Everest's peaks to the Trench Mariana 

the world is suffused with our plastic.

So, too, are you. It's in what we eat.

We know what you're thinking: FANTASTIC!

Plastic is permanent, it lasts forever.

Plastic will make us immortal.

What's to discuss? Plastic is good for us.

(We suggest you suppress any urges to snortle.)

Plastic is mankind's greatest invention.

Better than fire. The wheel. Even farming.

It doesn't degrade, it's not into rusting.

Plastic is progress. It is not alarming.

Plastic won't harm us, no need to stop it.

What's the environment compared to profit?