Numb. 997 Contingency #9

WHEN I get MY case to the RIGHT court,

the FINAL result will be what it ought.

MY Supremes should vote 6 to 3.

(Except John G. Roberts, who does not like me.)

Still, I will win by five to four,

and, thereby, show Joe Biden the door.

All that I need is a really good lawyer

instead of these bozos who will destroy me.

Should I fail to prevail, should SCOTUS bar me,

then I will need to call in MY Army.

I am, you remember, COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF …

so, in the END … bloody. (But brief.)

And if the Army should prove unwillin' …

NRA minions, MY well-armed civilians,

who I am certain will never fail me.

They will rebel when the Dems nail me.

MY people and I have a CONNECTION.

Who in hell cares who “won” some “election”.

THIS HAS TO END! (It's like an old wife.)

I condescend. I'll stay FOR LIFE!

Numb. 996 Sinking Ship?

Are Donnie's debts at last coming due?

Does his golf score exceed his IQ?

Such numbers are, of course, irrelevant

since he golfs solely with GOP elephants

who, although it may seem absurd,

tell him he still is king of the herd,

in permanent musth with a G-normous “trunk”

tweeting truth against Democrat bunk,

that he won reelection in a landslide,

that the FAKE NEWS totally lied,

that he is THE CHIEF they always will hail.

(Though, sad to say, they can't help him make bail.)

Numb. 995 Oh, The Humanity

What is wrong with the human race?

Or putting it simply, what isn't?

Wouldn't Earth be a far better place

had such a species never arisen?

I castigate no particular people.

no nation, no cultural group,

but rather the bothersome lot of humanity

in all its glory, complete nincompoops.

We strut, we fret, we think we're in charge.

A notion delusional, total gar-bage. 

We see success although we are falling,

following our cousin Neanderthals calling.

Numb. 994 The Grand Old Party's Brand New Plan (a six step RUDY-mentary “fix”)

In the House, we control more state delegations.

According to Rudy's astute calculations,

this very minute, this very hour,

here is how we keep Donald in power:

1. Sabotage Electoral College.

2. Several states send multiple slates; cancel each other, he contemplates.

3. Nobody gets 270 votes.

4. Selecting a president falls to the House

5. where every state gets one single vote.

6. Trump 2020! Tha's all she wrote.

It may not be nice and it may not be “fair”.

But in the long run, will anyone care?

It's just how it's always been:

you do what you hafta so that ya win.

You lie, you finagle, you spread the “baksheesh”.

You cheat, you break legs. Whatever. Capeesh?

Numb. 993 Donald In Neverland

The LAW is what I say it is.

What else could it possibly be?

Why would you think (for even one minute)

I'm not the font of legality?

Creatures like me (with bearing so regal),

are meant to determine whatever is legal.

I rule the stars and all the planets,

the seas, the land, and the sky.

Many folks say this is carved in granite:

there is no being greater than I.

Without subterfuge, my victory was yuge!

If I am removed,  VOILÀ! — le déluge!

There could be gods, but from what I see,

if they exist, they must answer to ME.