Numb. 999 What's IS It All About, Alfie?

Just because something may have been said

by somebody famous who now is long dead

does not mean it was ever true.

This goes for Moses, Jesus, Mohammed,

plus Gautama Siddhartha (the Buddha), 

Marx, Mao, and Lenin. Sigmund Freud, too.

AND all other sages throughout the ages —

Philosophers! Scientists! “Gods”! —

who said what they said and did what they did.

They ALL got it wrong. I mean, what are the odds

of anyone getting anything right,

of correctly assessing the data,

from but a few scraps which — there is no perhaps —

prove insufficient sooner or later?

Every discovery obsolesces those past.

Wonders and blunders fade ever so fast.

We just, I suggest, take a guess — more than less —

the best fit for a few observations.

If we get lucky, everything's ducky,

we're less incorrect. With reservations.

So we survive. And reproduce.

Which we assume is proof of some truth.

But what, after all, is the whole point?

As Hamlet says, “Time's out of joint.”

Hamlet, of course, is NOT a real being.

Being a fiction, I think, is freeing.

Strutting and fretting for but an hour

would, I submit, be a whole lot less dour

than overachieving an overripe age.

Here's to lives lived solely on stage.

Click

Numb. 998 FOX Populi 101

Abandon fact. 

Disregard truth.

What you need to believe

is aloof from proof.

“You are the best. 

Our enemies lurk.

We've been betrayed. 

THEY think you're a jerk.

We're besieged by invaders.

Surrounded by traitors. 

Who wears a mask? 

You've heard of Darth Vader?

The forces of evil conspire against us.

They're everywhere. 

They are relentless.

“Consider your neighbor. 

Is he suspicious?

What are his hidden vices and wishes?

Are his facts the same as yours?

What goes on behind his locked doors?

Does he, in the dark, watch MSNBC,    

privately thinking, ‘Rachel's okay by me?’

Does he go to church? 

Is he on our side?

Is his grass too long? 

What has he to hide?

“Okay, perhaps, his kids seem polite.

But what are they up to when out of sight?

Probably stuff you cannot imagine.

And if you could you'd blush and turn ashen.

“Maybe you should give his trash a peek?

I mean, after all, he could be a freak …

a vegan or something equally weird.

In his wedding photo, did he have a beard?

“It would be best to alert the police.

 A discreet call to SWAT him … at the very least.

See how he reacts when they smash in his door,

shouting, ‘HANDS UP! DOWN ON THE FLOOR!’

If he survives, will he lawyer up

shouting ‘POLICE BRUTALITY’

in spite of the fact the cops had due cause 

and, in truth, there were no fatalities?

“Can we tolerate neighbors like that?

Angry, annoying, and vicious.

Would not it be better for all concerned

if he could, maybe, sleep with fishes?

He's a disgrace, a loser, a lout.

No one would mind if he got burned out.

He should not be permitted to live with good folk.

It may be wishful thinking, but I think I smell smoke.”

Numb. 997 Contingency #9

WHEN I get MY case to the RIGHT court,

the FINAL result will be what it ought.

MY Supremes should vote 6 to 3.

(Except John G. Roberts, who does not like me.)

Still, I will win by five to four,

and, thereby, show Joe Biden the door.

All that I need is a really good lawyer

instead of these bozos who will destroy me.

Should I fail to prevail, should SCOTUS bar me,

then I will need to call in MY Army.

I am, you remember, COMMANDER-IN-CHIEF …

so, in the END … bloody. (But brief.)

And if the Army should prove unwillin' …

NRA minions, MY well-armed civilians,

who I am certain will never fail me.

They will rebel when the Dems nail me.

MY people and I have a CONNECTION.

Who in hell cares who “won” some “election”.

THIS HAS TO END! (It's like an old wife.)

I condescend. I'll stay FOR LIFE!

Numb. 996 Sinking Ship?

Are Donnie's debts at last coming due?

Does his golf score exceed his IQ?

Such numbers are, of course, irrelevant

since he golfs solely with GOP elephants

who, although it may seem absurd,

tell him he still is king of the herd,

in permanent musth with a G-normous “trunk”

tweeting truth against Democrat bunk,

that he won reelection in a landslide,

that the FAKE NEWS totally lied,

that he is THE CHIEF they always will hail.

(Though, sad to say, they can't help him make bail.)

Numb. 995 Oh, The Humanity

What is wrong with the human race?

Or putting it simply, what isn't?

Wouldn't Earth be a far better place

had such a species never arisen?

I castigate no particular people.

no nation, no cultural group,

but rather the bothersome lot of humanity

in all its glory, complete nincompoops.

We strut, we fret, we think we're in charge.

A notion delusional, total gar-bage. 

We see success although we are falling,

following our cousin Neanderthals calling.

Numb. 994 The Grand Old Party's Brand New Plan (a six step RUDY-mentary “fix”)

In the House, we control more state delegations.

According to Rudy's astute calculations,

this very minute, this very hour,

here is how we keep Donald in power:

1. Sabotage Electoral College.

2. Several states send multiple slates; cancel each other, he contemplates.

3. Nobody gets 270 votes.

4. Selecting a president falls to the House

5. where every state gets one single vote.

6. Trump 2020! Tha's all she wrote.

It may not be nice and it may not be “fair”.

But in the long run, will anyone care?

It's just how it's always been:

you do what you hafta so that ya win.

You lie, you finagle, you spread the “baksheesh”.

You cheat, you break legs. Whatever. Capeesh?

Numb. 993 Donald In Neverland

The LAW is what I say it is.

What else could it possibly be?

Why would you think (for even one minute)

I'm not the font of legality?

Creatures like me (with bearing so regal),

are meant to determine whatever is legal.

I rule the stars and all the planets,

the seas, the land, and the sky.

Many folks say this is carved in granite:

there is no being greater than I.

Without subterfuge, my victory was yuge!

If I am removed,  VOILÀ! — le déluge!

There could be gods, but from what I see,

if they exist, they must answer to ME.

Numb. 992 An Upcoming “Tantrump”? (NOT a concession)

Who needs your stupid country?

Who needs your stupid launch codes?

Shaking hands with dirty foreigners?

Who needs to contend with Democrat toads?

Who needs to pretend he cares about people?

Whether they live or they die?

Who needs to live in your stupid old White House?

Who needs to deal with corrupt FBI?

Who needs to golf with pussies like Lindsay?

Who needs meet with bitches like Mitch?

Who needs the whole damn president thing?

Am I not young? And handsome? And rich?

Who needs to daily watch Fox & Friends?

(Isn't the girl getting old?)

Who needs to talk to fatheads like Fauci

who always refuse to do as they're  told?

Who needs to ever consider reality?

Who needs Junior and Eric?

Who, in the end, really needs Melanie?

(When I go to kiss her, she gets hysterical.)

Why would I wish my face on Mt. Rushmore?

(On bills, on stamps, or on coins?)

Why would I want my name on anything?

(In this I include the fruit of my loins.)

What I truly desire is just to retire,

drink warm, flat Coke, read by my fire.

Excellent books like The Art Of The Deal,

my convictions thrown out on Rudy's appeal.

Numb. 991 In Defense Of Donald

OUR president IS NOT a crybaby.

THAT is a damnable lie.

But if you still need to know why …

it's just he IS JUST NOT that sort of a guy.

Donald is stoic. Really heroic.

He DOES NOT know how to complain.

Infectious disease may make the weak sick,

but Donald disdains the idea of pain.

He is a superman, beyond comprehension,

a Universe unto himself,

a being from another dimension. And need I mention

his women and wealth?

Sing ye Hosannas to this Adonis,

this paragon of male virility,

always bestowing blessings upon us,

while demonstrating PERFECT tranquility.

A man for all ages about whom great sages

will write pages and pages of history.

(Forget lost wages and babies in cages.)

Of course he is loved. WHAT IS THE MYSTERY?

Mature. Brainy. Ever so clever.

(Could he be QAnon  … maybe?)

Not the least bit effete, never knowing defeat,

how could anyone claim he's a crybaby!

Numb. 990 Christian Tradition

“Christians” make excuses for Trump.

I find that not at all odd.

This is what, historically speaking,

believers do for their God,

who, they assume, knows more than they do,

although they do not understand

why they must suffer (as life has to),

they accept it as a part of THE PLAN.

Unasked, unanswered: the obvious question,

how any Being Supreme

who could be generous, kind, and benevolent,

could choose to be so incredibly mean?

Human suffering? Okay, yeah sure.

Moral lesson. Love God, endure.

“You'll get to heaven. There with me abide.”

(Meantime “free will” lets you to sin on the side.)

Should we deem this God a louse?

Let us consider the case of the mouse.

Or the sparrow. Each in God's eye.

For what purpose must these suffer and die?

Excluded from heaven for lack of a soul,

their pain and suffering … WHAT IS the goal?

There is no lesson, nothing is learned.

Must we conjecture God loves things to squirm?

That living in terror, forever in fear

is his idea of an ideal career?

That “Christians” love Trump is not at all odd.

The curious thing is why they love God.

Numb. 989 A Man Not Farther From A Child

The problem: Donald is more child than man —

and a mean one at that.

It may be “wrong” … despising a child? …

BUT exceptions are made for exceptional brats

who throw “tan-Trumps”, who mishandle “cats”,

who don “Ghina”-made red #MAGA hats,

who fill all our belfries with Covidy bats,

who shout out loud about coup d'etats

staged by nefarious Deep State Democrats.

Numb. 988 Trump 2024?

The country can NOT divorce me.

It says so in the pre-nup.

Which, along with the NDA,

has everything neatly stitched up.

I always take precautions.

Just in case I get caught

doing something a little illegal.

(And in case the judge can't be bought.)

No rule, regulation, or legislation

can ever control what I do.

And, then, in the end, I can send my friend Rudy — 

Rudy, my man, always ready to

go on TV, make fake accusations,

distracting attention from my fabrications. 

In two-oh-two-four, he'll be my VP —

another dumb-ass as scary than me.

Numb. 987 GOP Con′-'em-drum

Is today's GOP totally nuts?

How do they stomach their lack of guts?

Are they in thrall — Mc-CON′-nell and all — 

to this philander's infinite gaul?

Does not one of these sycophants

wear a pair of big boy pants?

Do they feel the situation's so fraught

(what with facts counting for nought)

and reckon they can later deny

they did what they did and call it a lie

to say they did the least thing untoward,

or that was then and we have to move forward?

Numb. 986 A Wee Donny Nurse Airy Crime

Me see tinkle Moscow whore.

Me still president. So far.

Me no pay when me buy.

Me no lose. Me no cry.

Votes for me in Sharpie ink'll

defeat Biden. (Rip Van Winkle.)

Although millions bid begone,

me determined, me hang on.

Me no care what stink'll be.

Me no care. Think ill o' me.

Me so smart, me hoodwink'll

keep me here 'til country sinkhole.

Numb. 985 Curtains Q?

Is QAnon slain? 

Have we Q-Tips for brains

been derailed by Biden's train?

What of THE PLAN?

The grand prediction?

Is it not reliable?

Something is wrong.

That's undeniable.

Has Dem Devil DEEP STATE

defeated Q?

If that is true

what shall we do?

Shall we rend our garments?

Shall we tear our hair?

Shall we pretend

we don't really care?

Why and wherefor

is there no there there?

Where are the arrests?

This hurts a lot.

OR is it all

part of the plot

where in the end

Donald trumps all?

Or might it be Q's curtain call

where the audience 

hisses and boos

and we acknowledge

Trump is a loser?

And we, willing dupes —

totally floored —

accept the reality

in its totality

Q is a fraud?

Is this like when Rome fell to the Christians?

Religion displaced by superstition?

Is this the beginning of Satan's reigning?

Or just some SAD losers as always complaining?

Numb. 984 Rudy's Last Rant (or Philadelphia, Here I Come!)

PHILADELPHIA (November 8)

Is it DENIAL, denying a LIE?

Of course NOT! It's telling the TRUTH.

In FACT, an evidence LACK 

is TOTAL and irrefutable PROOF

of a conspiracy, so GREAT and GRAND,

underhanded, and devilishly cleverly PLANNED,

that it left no CLUE it existed.

That's LOGICAL thinking. 

Not the LEAST twisted.

W. C. Fields allegedly said

Philadelphia's better than being dead.

That is a quote. Let it be noted,

if you're dead in Philly, 

we KNOW how YOU voted.

And NO, this is NO irrational rant.

BUTT yes, I DO have my hand in my pants.

Numb. 983 Legacy President

At last! A role for Trump that makes sense.

Total, complete irrelevance.

Let him work for Murdoch on FOX.

Let him be gone. On him THE POX.

Let him rave. Let him rant. Let him build walls.

Drown him in burgers, smothered with whores.

Freed now from news unmistakably FAKE,

let him sulk nakedly eating his cake.

If there is a God, I humbly implore:

don't let him come back in two-oh-two-four.

I pray we are done with Trumpian sleaze and

he won't return as did Grover Cleveland.

ELECTION SPECIAL EDITION: A Presidential Statement

What if I proclaim I'm still president?

Tweet an executive order:

I, hearby, overrule the election.

I, after all, built THE WALL on the border.

(Shudda done Canada too.

All of those beavers and wolveses and mooses.

And, too, the Carib-boo.  

Or is that Halloween hullabaloo —

Haitian-Canadians who do voodoo?)

Miller and Barr say I've got the power.

I don't need to get re-elected.

Adding my votes from 2016 —

when Biden got zero — I was selected

to serve — and cavort — for four more years

until Covid makes Dems disappear.

Rudy agrees, though FOX distorts.

Still and all, I own the courts.

I smell a plot. A commie tsunami.

I am afraid. I want my mommy,

who was good lookin' and daddy was rich.

I am so screwed. Son. Of. A. Bitch!

Numb. 982 Mission Statement

The BYSTANDER does not preach doom and gloom.

(These days that would be sadistic.)

The BYSTANDER watches, observes, and comments.

The BYSTANDER considers himself realistic.

Well, to the extent he can tell what is real.

Whether it is is the question.

The BYSTANDER neither pre- nor proscribes.

He describes. And gets indigestion.

Reality is in the beholder's eye

which is why people seldom agree

what's good, what's bad, what's fair-to-middling,

whether “reality” means shows on TV.

Progression, regression, recession, depression.

History's arc may be long,

but it does not bend in any direction.

Dr. King, in this instance, was wrong.

History has plodded from day to day 

threw out recorded time.

We examine, we analyze, we cogitate. 

And still we get it all mostly wrong.

It's something to do. It passes the time.

And on a good day it may even rhyme.

Numb. 981 A Patriot's Stream Of Unconsiousness

No son of Liberty would wear a mask.

Absolute freedom is all I ask.

I am free. You tread on me,

I guarantee a shooting spree.

Shoot first. Ask questions later.

My AR-15 is my “debater”.

I fight for my life, my honor, my wealth.

(Let sissy socialists fight for their health.)

If Covid gets me, I'll take it in stride.

I don't need lungs — I've got my pride!

I won't wear a mask, so save your damn breath.

“Give me Liberty. AND give me death.”

Numb. 980 It CAN Happen Here

The Fate of the Nation I fear now hinges

on the unraveling edges of lunatic fringes

with AK-47's and AR-15's

and the mental capacity of pubescent teens,

who worship the president and call you a traitor

for failing to hail this SAD perpetrator.

They everywhere see insidious plots

and plotters who should be summarily shot.

These red-blooded, true-blue, White Patriot men

all favor FOX, they won't watch CNN.

Bullies and blowhards, misfit musketeers

putting the lie to It Can't Happen Here.

Numb. 979 Insurrection Day, 2020

As frequently noted by Mao Zedong,

power flows from the barrels of guns.

With the number of guns in Conservative hands,

these “very fine people” will have some demands

about which votes get counted and which discarded

and who can get shot for a sign in their yard.

When the smoke clears — and there is smoke ahead —

it could be hard to tally the dead, whether from Covid

or blunt force trauma. And come what may, they'll blame Obama.

Numb. 978 Supremes Can't Hurry Roe?

Amy Coney whatzername? Maybe begins with a B?

Is she the last nail in the coffin of the country we'd never be?

With ThomasAlitoGorsuch&Kavanaugh performing just like NSYNC,

the addition of Amy to their samey-samey will likely send us over the brink.

Freed from the need of putting his thumb on the scale for right-leaning side,

John G. Roberts plays referee and can then pretend he's not Roger B. Taney.

Do we need a Supreme Court at all? Or for all that it costs us a Congress?

Has not our president made them all obsolete with excess wisdom and jaundice?

Why, in fact, do we need any law when we daily have steaming tweets

telling us everything we need to know down to the details of what he eats?

Should Supremes not o'erturn Roe, he'll decree it dead, tell them where to go.