Numb. 956 Wait A Minim Mr. Posed Man

I see no reason for optimism.

Times are bad and are fast getting worse.

The basic fact of all existence

is that existence is cursed.

From single-celled critters, all birds and bees

to us top-of-the-heap, grad-school chimpanzees

strutting and fretting, getting and spending,

pursuing nutrition and, if there's time, knowledge.

The first is essential, the second's a waste,

especially what they taught you in college

where, on the whole, you were misinformed

about the happenstance that you were born.

Yet you persist and insist your existence

means more than that of pond scum.

You follow the syllabus from day after day

hoping tomorrow Godot may come.

Replacing reality with what you wish

can be best described as Micawberish.

Numb. 955 GOP Declaration Of Insincerity

We believe in minority rights.

We are, as you know, a minority.

Old white men given to thinking

we are far smarter than any majority.

We believe all men are equal.

We believe we're the equal-est.

We believe if we're not in control,

we must needs protest that we're oppressed.

We believe God decreed our permanent right

to exclusively govern all nations.

We believe OTHERS are best

kept in their lower, subservient stations.

We believe the country was founded

entirely on what's in the Bible.

We believe "Enlightenment" babble 

an evil, pernicious, Satanic libel.

We believe the Bible reliable.

THE source of all LAW and KNOWLEDGE.

We believe mistakes U.S. voters make

should be erased by Electoral College.

We believe -- nay, this we are sure of,

you must excuse if we gloat --

nowhere in Scripture does it ever say

anything like "one man, one vote".

Numb. 954 The Situation Post Corona-tion

Colbert and Fallon and Kimmel arrested.

Corden, of course, is deported.

Bundled together with John Oliver,

sent back to Boris, who'll get them "sorted".

Terrorist "comics" with Muslim names

dispatched post-haste to Guantanamo.

Samantha Bee, the Canadian dame,

put on a plane to Toronto.

O’Brien and Stewart placed under surveillance,

Seth Meyers confined to the attic.

Trevor Noah required to go

speedily back to South Africa.

SNL players -- past, present, almost?

Too many handle … that’s problematic.

The Times and the Post gifted to Murdoch

for services to the crown rendered.

All other print and media outlets 

(save FOX and the Journal)

forever suspended.

The Democrat Party henceforth is banned

for activities un-Trumperican.

If Melanie ever again swats his hand,

she’ll be declared unAmerican.

Blessings descend upon the nation,

when we accept God's son's coronation.

Numb. 953 Scalia By The Day (or Once In Love With Amy)

Finally!

WE are impeaching Earl Warren.

And not a moment too soon.

Packing the courts with TRUE believers …

for us Republicans -- shooting the moon.

Now we'll be able to freely discriminate

while despoiling land, air, and water.

Except for school teams, we will re-segregate

to forestall Temptations accosting our daughters.

Our Constitution does not evolve.

Evolution is unconstitutional.

The words are the words, as Antonin said.

In brief -- and in fact -- that document's dead.

Numb. 952 Martyr Dumb (or What You Will)

Are you ready to die for your cause?

Hallelujah! You are a martyr.

Happy to give up what little is yours?

Although it would (maybe) be smarter

to barter with something other than

your pitifully insignificant span?

Dying for causes plays into the hands

of all of those willing

to support theirs by killing.

Numb. 951 Creation Silence (or Doing GOD's Work)

GOD slaved away for five long days

creating THE WORLD and its wonders.

Why on Day Six did HE add to this mix

humans, HIS blunder of blunders?

Could it be HE got bored playing at LORD

with no one to shout Hallelujah?

Did HE repent having invented

this dystopian lollapalooza?

Did HIS efforts leave HIM annoyed?

Did HE consider it better destroyed?

Deciding destruction not worth the fuss,

did HE, instead, then create us?

Numb. 950 Fulfilling Our Destiny (or Pollution, Here We Come)

You want the TRUTH about pollution?

We will not solve it. Not ever.

Our brightest -- our business and criminal classes --

are insufficiently clever

to find a way to profit from virtue

when it is cheaper to do things that hurt you.

Proposed "solutions"? Expensive and drastic.

Unless we swiftly evolve to can eat plastic

and also to thrive on bad water and air,

the simple fact is we haven't a prayer

of surviving even one or two centuries.

Our species is a deadly disease.

For what it is worth, we're destroying the Earth.

However, in turning ourselves into compost,

we may, in fact, be saving the Cosmos.

Or leaving it to some little green men

to bring the damned thing to an end.

Which, we trust, if they're "smart" like us

they will accomplish with minimal fuss.

Numb. 949 Quæ In Ea Ventura

Anything less that a total Dem blow-out

will be a pyrrhic defeat.

Dems will not get an inkling of victory

and GOP mobs will dance in the street,

firing assault rifles at random 

Biden supporters they happen to meet.

Unless the Biden total vote margin

is in excess of twenty percent

and he wins, at least, thirty states

there is no way in hell to prevent

Trump and the GOP thugs hanging on,

until their very last bullet is gone.

Okay, go ahead, tell me I'm balmy,

but THEY have more guns than any Army.

(Except, if you please, perhaps, the Chinese.)

I say no way Trump ever goes,

so keep your mask over your nose.

Numb. 948 Trump, McConnell, Ginsburg, and Qanon

Trump, McConnell et al. v. The Memory Of Ruth Bader Ginsburg

Arthur Mount

"Winning is the ONLY thing,"

according to Vincent Lombardi.

Virtue and honor? You ding-a-ling,

we are talking po-lit-i-cal par-ty-ing

where, as in love and football and war,

crushing the other is what we're here for.

Corrupt like Trump or shady like Brady

you must seize the moment and not be afraid

of how it looks or what people say.

Just cook the books and have it your way.

The Protocols Of The Elders Of Whatever (A Revelation)

We shall name hurricanes, saying Donald's to blame

because he does not accept "climate change".

We shall fake diseases to go with these breezes

to panic all people when anyone sneezes.

We shall criticize his best friends, Putin and Kim,

only because it annoys him.

We shall subscribe to WeChat and TikTok

(whatever those are), so as to mock him,

this no bell prys-man with his divine plan

to make the U.S. a True Holy Land

as the Founders intended

until we intervened. PLAN UPENDED,

displaced by our evil, Satanic cabal

pretending the nation's a free-for-all:

multi-this, multi-that, multi-we-made-it-up

because, as you know, we are corrupt,

because we hate everything pure

and, because for reasons not at all obscure, 

we, being horse flies, adore manure.

Wait! THAT is TRUE.

THAT can NOT be denied.

And it must mean we're on HIS side.

Numb. 947 Origin All In Tent

How can you call it a fair election

if everyone has the same vote

regardless of income, status, or property,

race or religion or what Madison wrote

with his quill pen in the Constitution,

strict adherence to which we promote?

We cannot return to those halcyon days

of powdered wigs and frock coats

when property owners -- like us, old white men --

solely determined who got to vote

in all elections, federal and state,

in jurisdictions small and remote.

It's sad, of course, but it must be noted

the Constitution to which we're devoted

has been misread, misconstrued, and misquoted

allowed voting rolls to become bloated

with riffraff -- chaff -- we'd not have on staff.

That is a fact. It can't be sugar-coated.

Our solution? Complete devolution.

Give power back to The States.

Which, it is clear, the Founders intended.

Which you could see, IF YOU READ THE DEBATES.

"The Several States" given full sovereignty,

which your Federalist-Democrat-Socialist hates.

For this millennium, the U.S. Condominium:

more votes for us guys with the dough.

Who, with exceptions (Oprah and Kanye),

tend very while male, as you know.

Same result as the Founders' intended,

but built for the present, not long, long ago.

Numb. 946 Smoke Gets In Your Lies (or Disaster Q's Up)

The burning of Rome. 

The Gunpowder Plot.

The Reichstag conflagration.

Government fires don't happen a lot,

but when they do, then what you've got

is a chance to advance on circumstance,

laying blame for the blazes

on entities decreed enemies,

evil plot weavers -- along with some crazies --

who must be uncovered.

"DESTROY THE MOTHERS!"

Heroes and patriots will always be willing

to join maddened mobs and precipitate killing

whichever peasants, workers, or yeomen

are pointed out as possible foemen.

Though their logic be faulty,

they are prepared to assault the

usual suspects until they are "halted".

This, history shows, is the human default.

The crisis approaches! This is no joke.

Are we on fire? I think I smell smoke.

Numb. 945 The Favor Bank (by "Donnie the Don" from Queens)

[Editor's Note: Best served with Marlon Brando's Don Corleone accent.]

Say I ask a favor, "Will you scratch my back?"

and somebody happens to do it …

that's the way these things get done.

You, maybe, don't like it? Then screw it.

A wink or a nod. As God is my witness.

That's how us smart guys take care of "business".

Clean. (More or less.) Quick and efficient.

Okay, consiglieres, some of 'em fairies,

and in guts sometimes deficient,

they give you advice on how to play nice

(which let me tell you comes at a price)

and which of the laws you can ignore

and how you make someone else pay 

when you're caught. Who can be bought

for reasonable cost, who needs to be taught you are the boss.

It's all about how no laws apply

when like me you are a wise guy.

Numb. 944 Questions For Enquirer Mines (or Asked And Answered)

What makes Donnie do what he does?

What makes him so vociferous?

Is it the result of his hideous diet?

Is it because he's carnivorous?

Could it be terminal syphilis?

That would that explain his unsteady gait,

his schloppy schpeach, his mental state,

why he's immune to tranquility,

his lack of ability. It could be senility.

How, with the motto “IN GOD WE TRUST”,

could Donald Trump have happened to us?

Numb. 943 The Blight Side

From the Near East, excellent “news”.

Sunnis hate Shias more than they do Jews.

Allied with Israel, they have a “plan”

to “solve” the threat posed by Iran.

The Palestinian State will just have to wait.

It’s fate tbd at some later date.

That being said, if Covid spreads,

the Mid East won't matter ’cuz we’ll be dead.

Except (maybe) Donnie in an underground vault,

repeatedly tweeting, “Obama's FAULT!”

Numb. 942 The Platinum Rule

It is offensive to call Inuit “Esquimaux”

far more so than Englishmen “Limies”.

You must never call a Frenchman a “Frog”,

or refer to a Jew as a “Hymie”.

Respect everyone. What you call, how you treat them.

Until, that is, you are sure you can beat them.

Numb. 941 A Mother's Lament

Is civilisation quite over?

Are we at the end of the road?

We are, we know, God’s chosen nation.

Why do we follow this farting toad?

Once we were feared and revered

by enemies, friends, and our neighbours.

Now they shake their heads and say, “Weird!”

Is that all there is after all of our labours?

Even so, we prefer not to make much ado.

We are not, after all, Bloody Yanks.

Boris is not quite so bad as Trump is.

For this minor blessing, we must give thanks.

Numb. 940 A View From The Boardroom

God gave us workers for us to use them.

That is their only role.

They exist solely for us to abuse them.

If not for us, they'd be on the dole.

They are lazy and shiftless and in addition 

too many of them like to drink.

Not, mind, the good stuff like we do.

On what we pay them? I do not think so!

Sadly, somehow, while we were engaged otherwise

the Constitution got changed,

allowing these unworthies to vote,

even though they've no skin in the game.

WRONG! On the facts.

WRONG! On morality.

WRONG! On the founders' intention.

Look at the books, they were all oligarchs.

White Christian men. Did I mention?

But what's done is done and cannot be undone,

according to Lady Macbeth.

And though it may be pretty to contemplate

we could not afford them all dying from meth.

Yes, there's a problem, but we can surmount it.

Let them vote, we say. We don't have to count it.

Numb. 939 Junk Food For Thought

Do right-wingers eat Pringles

'cuz Pringles don't mingle,

unlike chips, let's say, made by Wise

which vary in color and size.

 

Does the left-wing find Pringels authentical

'cuz every last chip is completely identical,

ground down, reformed, all homo-geneous,

the next one always the same as the previous?

Numb. 938 False Gods Before Thee (or Getting Real)

It is easy to fathom why Christians and Jews

see Donald J. Trump as a god.

He, also, demands worship, love,

and total fealty on penalty of

being expelled, banished forever,

cast out from his holy midst,

forbidden forever ever to praise him,

earning a place on his do-not-call list.

There is, however, one way they differ.

God is a fiction while Donald exists.

Numb. 937 Generation Gap, Australia Edition

THE GUARDIAN
—————————————

Tony Abbott: some elderly Covid patients could be left to die naturally

————————————————————

‘Health dictatorships’ failing to consider economic costs of crisis, ex-Australian PM says

Mummy and daddy, please tell me why,

you elected to let my granny die?

Yes, she was old (to put it politely),

but unlike you, she treated me nicely.

When I am your age and you are hers,

I would not be surprised if what occurs

is a trip to the Outback to, say, Alice Springs. Oh,

and then Uluru where I feed you to dingos.

Numb. 936 Consulting Your Peer (by Vlad Putin)

Тзч! Западное дерьмо о Навальном лицемерно. Конечно, я могу отравить любого критичного того, что я делаю, что говорю. Как вы думаете, что значит царь? Если бы я был копом, а он был черным, в США я мог выстрелить ему в спину. Сила есть сила, если не использовать ее, рано или поздно ты его потеряешь. «Вот как вы сдерживаете напуганных», Я говорю Донни. Он отвечает: «Хорошо».

[Click for translate.google. Click speaker icons to hear Russkiy and English versions.]

Tzch!

Western shit on Navalny is hypocritical.

Of course, I can poison anyone critical

of what I do, of what I say.

WHAT DO YOU THINK tsar means, anyway?

If I was a cop and he was a Black,

in the U.S. I could shoot him in the back.

Power is power, if you don’t use it,

sooner or later you’re going to lose it.

“It’s how you keep the fearful in line,”

I say to Donnie. He replies, “Fine.” 

Numb. 935 Dead Reckoning

THE GUARDIAN

—————————————

Donald Trump makes baseless claim that ‘dark shadows’ are controlling Joe Biden

—————————————

Fox News interviewer says president’s bizarre suggestion ‘sounds like a conspiracy theory’

———————

“We had somebody get on a plane from a certain city this weekend,” the president said. “And in the plane, it was almost completely loaded with thugs, wearing these dark uniforms, black uniforms, with gear and this and that.”

ASSOCIATED PRESS

————————————————

Book: Pence told ‘to be on standby’ for Trump hospital visit

—————————————

“In reporting for this book, I learned that in the hours leading up to Trump’s trip to the hospital, word went out in the West Wing for the vice president to be on standby to take over the powers of the presidency temporarily if Trump had to undergo a procedure that would have required him to be anesthetized,” Michael Schmidt writes in “Donald Trump v. the United States: Inside the Struggle To Stop A President.”

“Intellect”: hazy. Demonstrably crazy.

Ladies and gentlemen: Trump.

A classic nightmare. Halloween fright fare.

A thing in the night that goes bump.

His supporters adore him,

would gladly die for him

of Covid or other diseases

and will take to task

all wearing masks

to cover their mouths and block sneezes.

Their only priority:

remain the majority,

maintaining a white Christian nation.

They have the will

and will willingly kill

all others without hesitation.

Conquered they did

as their God bid them.

They slaughtered and they enslaved.

They made a mess

and called it successful.

Which on their tombstone they will engrave.

Our Constitution,

written on parchment,

is aged, cracking, and fading.

Sadly, parchment,

a natural product,

is highly biodegradable.

It crumbles to dust

as all things must

on reaching their end of life cycle.

Though not assured

it could have endured,

save for Trump and his disciples.

But its aspirations were always a lie.

Sooner or later it had to die.

However, because of this bloated buffoon,

it's happening now which is too soon.

Numb. 934 On Being Reasonable

There is little we actually know.

We think we know a lot more.

About life. The universe. About everything.

We know we know the score.

We know that we know what we know is true.

That is a fact without question.

And should you say, “That’s your point of view”

we will suggest an obscene digression.

There are others, we hear, with other ideas

about how everything works.

We do not fear them. Nor do we hear them.

We do not bother with ignorant jerks.

We know the Universe revolves about us.

Our existence is all that matters. Thus

we meander, cradle to grave,

chained to the wall of Plato’s Cave.